I had talked about metal music and recalling unpleasant memories in an earlier post. Wouldn’t you know it, I had the most vivid, controlled recall of my life a few days ago. I was alone, almost as if the part of my mind that controlled access to those memories had read the post, and I was fully aware.
As the memories unfolded, I expected my soul to cringe. I expected to die of mortification or to turn into a psychopathic killer that police would shoot in the middle of the street if I didn’t off myself first. I expected to disintegrate into dust or burst into flames.
Guess what?
I think it’s obvious none of those things happened. I started to laugh, actually. I laughed at the things that had crippled me for so long. I started to sing. In the middle of the night. I banged my head. I raised the horns. I danced with joy.
I sang the song of my people:
…Tamed with confidence of a brighter future
I found a flame in the burnt out ashes… burn out, burn out!
Fueled, these new shores burn, dark past lies cold
Shadow, my sweet shadow, to you I look no more…
–“My Sweet Shadow,” In Flames, from Soundtrack To Your Escape
I’m free.
Every time I think about it, I start to cry. Happy tears.
I’m fucking free and I am on fire!
Copyright © 2014 iokirkwood.com. “My Sweet Shadow, To You I Look No More” by I.O. Kirkwood. All rights reserved.
I.O. Kirkwood 
I’m really glad to hear it. Too often we get shackled by bad memories.
“Come be we and be free!” (the blue electric angels)
And perhaps this is “a madness of angels” 🙂